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I'm on here... because I need an outlet. To say something. Just for the purpose of saying it. No other reason really.
I came home after math.. and was determined to take a lovely, long nap. I need it. I'm tired. My eyes have been burning, my body just wants to quit this day. But I have far too much to do, I cannot quit this day. That is why a nap would be the wise choice. But where am I? On the computer. Naturally. Playing on tumblr.... cuz I made one of those (it is melysaclarise.tumblr if anyone is interested)...because without facebook what am I truly supposed to do on the interwebs? ha! Well, there is pinterest, which I feel bored of. And then blog-stalking. That is fun. - And then I remembered that I have my very own blog. And I was feeling all sorts of... wanting to express myself...forgive me my lack of eloquence, my brain is really, very, very tired.
I guess I should get on with it.
I have had so very much to think of as of late.. and a several few of these subjects for thinking have been, well, meloncholy, to say the least. And others have been extremely happy. I suppose my mood is mixed (perhaps because I have been listening to Harry Potter book 6 on tape and Dumbeldore just died today and I was about to bawl my eyes out in my work truck but refrained due to the fact that I had to deliver parts - to real live humans. And they'd think I was a psycho if i showed up bawling about a fictional character - but I LOVE that fictional character). SOOOO, as I was moving to the point here. HA! I feel extremely grateful and overwhelmed, and peaceful, and... I love it. let me explain those feelings. In order:
1-I feel grateful, exceptionally grateful, for the blessing of the past several months. I spent the better part of.. the mid to end of last year in an emotional uproar. I was confused. I suppose my soul, and those around me, had taken a good, HARD beating. I had come to a point where I simply...was lost. I did not know what to do. I will not attempt to explain the circumstances here, it would be beside the point. All I really know IS... God is real. He is my father. And Jesus, he is my brother. And I know that my prayers were answered. I had reached that point where I had not a clue of what to do next. As soon as I said to the Lord, "take it, put me where I need to be"...and as soon as I truly submitted to that...things fell, literally fell into place. A glorious, happy, hope-strewn, lovely place. And I love being here.
2. I feel overwhelmed. I don't know if I can do this one any justice. I feel as though... there is too much that goes into it. As you may, or may not know, I am engaged, to be married (people don't usually refer to an engagement in any other way besides marriage really...not usually...so I suppose I didn't have to specify that) to a certain Jeremy Garcia. And I am so glad. SO glad...but, good heck! I feel as though I am not good enough.. as though.. I am not..well...no.. I should say I feel like there are so many better choices for a wife in this world than myself, and I feel like...maybe I've played an extremely good trick, getting this kid to want to marry me. And I am grateful that he wants me. How I am. This Melysa. Not another one. That is a really nice thought. But it is overwhelming. I am not good at being disciplined. I am not good at planning things. I can be so painfully shy..it's really, really stupid! I kinda feel like the things I am good at..are rather pointless..silly, trivial things. So... I feel overwhelmed. that someone would really want me, this soon. After everything that has happened to me in the past few months. It is one of our God's great gifts to his daughter.
3. I feel peace. I used to look at those people who got married after 2 months of dating and think "holy...way to rush things. Calm down, it's just your hormones." But now I understand. marriage is a scary thing... if you haven't found the right "one". But when you do...It is like... breathing. You don't really have to debate the decision, you aren't even worried about it. You are just going to be with your best friend, that extremely wonderful-talented-handsome-human for your eternity. And somehow you just feel in your soul, deep within you, that things are going to be good. Not even good, they'll be super-good. Wonderful.
Right-O. feeling enlightened? I should hope so. It is now... 5:20. I have 3 math assignments to do, a post for lit, and some pages to read...OH EFF!!! i forgot. I also have to go take some photos for my photography class. Hmmm. I love school. (that statement is simply littered in sarcasm).
I hope I have not bored you too deeply. I hope my homework doesn't bore me too deeply. Thanks for reading if you did.
oh. And here is a song I love. Maybe you'll love it too.